We often hear about “mamta ke zabaan“, the language a mother uses to communicate with her children, and its magical powers. Have you ever wondered how you developed yours? What does the language mean to you? How is it unique to you and your children? I thought about this question and wanted to share my experience. Would love to hear your thoughts too!
When my daughter was born in Canada back in 2010, my mother came over to help us. She had to leave 20 days after Zeynab’s birth and I remember I wrote a distraught Facebook post about how I was feeling helpless without my mother and wondered how I would manage on my own with a newborn. A very wise cousin of mine replied to my post and I still remember her words. “You’re the same rock to your own child now as your mother is for you. You can do this. Take care”, she lovingly advised.
True to my cousin’s words, I gained confidence as a mother and in my ability to anticipate and understand my child’s needs. This was the time I started to value the power of “mamta ke zabaan” still not realizing its full potential though, as I struggled with the newborn stage.
I remember I was super confused once at a store trying to decide which particular baby appliance to buy and the elderly sales lady gave me great advice: “You’re the manual your baby comes with”, she told me gently looking right into my eyes. Her validation and trust in me was invaluable to a new mother, in a world otherwise full of free conflicting advice, nagging and criticism.
There were so many decisions to navigate in that first year: co-sleeping vs. crib, breast feeding vs. formula, when to start solids, which sippy cup is best, which pram/travel system to buy, whether to pierce ears or not, scheduled vs. free spirit living etc. I researched fervently on each of these topics and discussed with other moms. My intuition and gut feel eventually guided me towards the choice that was the best fit for our family, as I understood my child like no one.
There was no joy greater than realizing that my crying child was not hungry, did not need a diaper change or was sleepy, she only needed a snuggle with me. I was familiar with this need. Even as an adult, living on my own with my family, I needed my mother’s assurance in tough times.
I celebrated my daughter’s first birthday as a true celebration of my motherhood. We had made it through the first year! My baby was now a toddler. Though I cried buckets after getting that email from Babycenter (what do you mean she is not a baby anymore!?) there was lots to celebrate.
My daughter’s needs have changed over the years as she has grown but the “mamta ke zabaan” keeps evolving with her. When my son was born, he was such a different child. My parenting style with him was unlike that with his sister because it was guided by the needs of my child.
I tell my daughter that I have an eye at the back of my head hidden behind my hair, because she is always amazed at how I find out things she didn’t tell me. As she InshaAllah grows older I can’t wait to tell her that she will also develop this power one day, the power that only comes with one of the greatest gifts of life: motherhood.
What does “mamta ke zabaan” mean for you? How were those early days of motherhood? How did you find confidence in the new role through the sleep-deprived nights? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Beautiful full of emotions ?❤️ Love the writing style…very natural ❤️ No one can compete mother’s love and emotions.. I am happy that now you realise how mothers are able to know each and every thing about their child?
Thank you mama!
I became mother at 20, got pregnant again after 5 months my first daughter born. Living with in laws in a big family wasn’t easy for me . I have faced a very hard time now it’s been 10 years but still have those effects on my mind.Although situation has changed a lot but I’m still in postpartum depression.wish I could have done more for my kids whenever I sees you I think your kids are lucky to have a mom like you
May Allah swt ease the difficulties in your life.He is the most kind and merciful.Ameen
May it get easy for you! You have already done a lot for your kids! As mothers we always underestimate ourselves!
V.well written article.Love the way you have shared your feelings as a mom.you were lucky to have your mom with you and I was so unfortunate,as my mom passed away even before my shadi. I missed her on every occasion specially when I became mom myself. There was nobody with me when I became mom. I was left all alone in hospital.My husband has other priorities.I hugged my exceptionally beautiful and Healthy baby boy. I came to home all alone with driver and till to date I am raising my two kids all alone as a single mom. Allah is my constant companion. I had to fight every battle single-handedly. I desperately pray to Allah May he give me life and strength so that I could help out my daughter when she would become a mom. Needs prayers and good wishes. Stay blessed and enjoy your life with your family.
Lots of love for you! You’re one strong woman!
Not saying this coz you are my friend, but you are such a well rounded mommy.. Zeynab and Hussain are lucky to have you. I feel when I had Shabbir I was so young myself I probably didn’t know what I was signing up for! Though I have many differences with the western culture I appreciate how planning to have a baby is soo much about making sure one is prepared to take the responsibity that comes with it, not just a rite of passage if you know what I mean.
You’re too kind my friend! You yourself are an amazing inspiring mother!
I became a mother at 26… i remember my magical 9 healthy months of pregnancy…looking forward to those emails from babycentre everday, baby shopping, prenatal classes, baby showers, selecting names, decorating the baby room and what not. I thought i was extremely well informed and ready for motherhood. Little did i know about what was to hit me in that labour room. Me and my husband were living off alone so i arranged for my mother to visit and to help us with the baby. My son was the first grandchild in my family and apparently my mother was not so well equipped with the latest techniques of child care as it had been years since she last held a baby. She did everything possible to help me stay energized with her loaded food, totkas and moral support. My husband, who turned out to be a nervous first-time dad himself, kept a bit distend so i could solely take charge of our baby. That was the time i realized i needed to use my “mamta ki zabaan” to raise that little human. My best friend was google i have to agree. Youtube helped me with several breastfeeding positions, burping styles, advice on gas problems, poop problems, sleep problems, and sometimes my post partum depression too. It was all too over whelming for me..too hard…..but i DID it ! Not to mention i conceived again after 7 months! Today, with my son turning 4 and daughter 2.5 years old, im one happy, hands-on mother of two! Motherhood is a roller coaster of unimaginable emotions… its draining but equally rewarding.. It can suck the life out of you but the immense and pure love is like nothing in this world. Allah has given this power to every mother out there, and i believe it comes to you irrespective of your age!
MashaAllah! Beautifully said! Loved reading about your experience you described so well! Truly a mom finds her strength when she gives birth! ❤️
Its funny right..i mean a baby is crying and you get to know what she wants or you know that a toddler tantrum is about to happen in seconds and you get there to save the day. We also get the power to predict future (even if just by minutes…you will hurt yourself playing like this/this milk is about to spill). No one in the world gets what my youngest (2.5 year old to be precise) is talking about,not even her dad.and yet us two, TALK. ALL. DAY,truly like two ladies in a house full of boys should.we revise our poems,numbers,alphabets (yes we know our urdu alphabets too). It sure is a magical journey at every stage. It has its bumps and learning curves.but it still is magical.Thankyou for reminding us all ?
I really loved reading.Beautifully written. BaarakAllah feekom
Thanks so much! ❤️
There is no right or wrong way to learn parenthood. We all learn through our experiences. The flaws or strength we saw in our parents while we were growing up cannot be applied to this generation for example my children are six years apart. One was hung up on TV while other is on internet. Different environment pushes us to be resilient and survivors. I literally use the word survivor because they have been numerous times that I felt that I have failed as a mother but you can never give up. You pull your self up and fight until you survive because precious lives are attach to you.
@Aqsa – You are stronger than you think. Never for a minute you must think that others are better than you because none of us are in your shoes. You are a survivor just like the rest of us.Please don’t be afraid to talk about your depression with your doctor. There is help but we hide out of stigma. Invest a part of your day in a activity that makes you happy. You deserve it because you’re a mother. 🙂
Beautifully said! So true! ❤️